"Problems" with the "Help"

Virtually all middle-class people in Buenos Aires have at least one maid. Often the maid(s) live in the house or apartment with their employer, in a small bedroom with a bathroom adjacent to the kitchen. Many of the maids are from Paraguay and speak no English. They are all women.

We have a maid. Her name is Gabriella. She is a Porteño and she speaks a bit of English. For 25 hours a week she cleans, does laundry, irons, shops, cooks, bakes, and runs errands. (E.g., She found a nightlight for the children's bathroom.) She does not live with us.

Gabriella works very hard. She is honest and kind to the kids. She is a seriously good cook. Oh, and she bakes beautifully as well. We are thrilled and surprised, frankly, to have the opportunity to eat truly local cuisine prepared by a native. What is the problem, you ask? The problem is mine. I am uncomfortable:

1. admitting that I have a maid
2. admitting that I really love having a maid
3. paying her shockingly little by US standards (but significantly more than the going rate)
4. creating the impression that I am incapable of maintaining a household on my own

Is it my Catholic upbringing or my feminism causing the guilt? Both, probably, but Argentines say that people from the U.S. always feel awkward about having a maid at first.

I recall being told by a college friend of Husband's, who is an economics professor, that there is absolutely no shame in hiring domestic help. Maybe rationalization has altered my memory, but she told us it was economically responsible to spread the wealth. "It is an economic decision, not a social or moral one," she said.

Hiring someone who wants to do domestic work is a win-win situation, right? She is grateful for the job and we are happy to pay her. If it is truly a transactional relationship, then why do I feel compelled to thank Gabriella profusely for a job that she thanks me for creating? As a privileged feminist, I cannot help but question if I am exploiting her.

There are other contradictions, as well: Husband and I both enjoy cooking and shopping for food, generally; and I also think it is important to teach children by example how to care for a home, toys, books, clothes, etc. But I must admit that I am relieved to temporarily relinquish these responsibilities.

I had an epiphany yesterday while reading stories, coloring, doing puzzles, dancing, and laughing with the kids. By acknowledging the luxury of this unique time in our lives, I am able to enjoy the kids without being distracted by constant domestic drudgery. (I actually take pleasure in some domestic tasks, so I guess it is the day-in-day-out monotony of it all that I dislike.) With Gabriella on the job, I am free to be a one thing: a parent.

Fran Lebowitz wrote a very funny short story about hiring a housekeeper because her friends said she could then spend more time writing. It was difficult for her to hire someone because when considering candidates, she asked what books they read. Her friends told her to stop asking about their favorite authors because it didn't matter. There is a part of me that is relieved that my Spanish and Gabriella's English are equally poor, otherwise I might be asking her the same sorts of questions.

It is interesting to consider and compare quality-of-life issues with the U.S. where middle-class homes generally are larger. In the 15 or so apartments that we considered renting, the kitchens were galley-style and quite cramped, and dishwashers were as rare as clothes dryers. We did not know this when we were searching, but it is clear that most apartments here do not have larger kitchens because the owners/tenants spend little time in those areas. Is it a compromise to have a smaller home if you can pay someone else else to take care of it and cook for you?

What, I wonder, are middle-class Argentines doing with their extra time since the maid does most of the domestic work? (This temporary Argentine plans to write a blog, explore the city, and spend quality time with Boy, Girl, and Husband.)

Many expat moms say that they are almost afraid to go home because they know that they will never have this level of domestic support again. They all agree that has been an important part of making their time here pleasurable for the entire family. I already understand their concerns. For the next few months, I will actively work on accepting this luxury as an opportunity.

Some examples of Gabriella's talents:

Challah for Rosh Hashanah

Lemon budin and bombas rellenas (profiteroles)

Empanadas with spinach and cheese

Alfajores